Nicholas Hedges

Art, Writing and Research

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Wildflowers

May 21, 2025 by Nicholas Hedges

This work is one which, like the grief it represents, changes over time. It began following the death of my mum in 2022 with three empty diffusers I found in her home.

Empty diffusers in my late mother's house

They diffusers spoke to how I felt then. The bottles were empty – or almost empty – where once they were full. The reeds did nothing but smell faintly of what had once been, carrying nothing into nothing; ‘air traded for air’ as Rilke put it. They were the perfect metaphor for loss.

I wanted therefore to do something with them along with those I had in my own home. I thought about the glass containers, about what what they represented. To me they were the like the presence of my mum in the present day. They were transparent. You could see the present distorted through the glass, just as now I sometimes see the present when remembering my mum. I can’t see her, but I can hear the things she might have said. I see what I see distorted as if by her words, her laughter.

Violet wildflower growing from an empty diffuser as part of an art project about grief.

When I remember mum, I am using that presence – the shape of the glass – from which memories come not only of the past, but also of the present; as if she is still there with us, looking at the world as it is now. Planting the glass containers with wildflowers reflects that feeling. Memories are like the seeds. They sit within us and with the sun, the rain, all that is present now in our everyday world, they grow.

Memories are not relics – things left over from the past. They are a part of life now, growing and flowering, continuing the life of the loved one after they’ve passed away.

Filed Under: Grief, Mum

Diffusers

February 8, 2023 by Nicholas Hedges

In the months since my mum passed away we have been emptying her house ready for sale – one of those jobs which is difficult but, sadly, necessary. Saying that, the process hasn’t been as hard as I  had imagined it would be; perhaps because I have moved so much of my mum’s things into my own house! It’s strange seeing these very familiar objects occupy places in new constellations; strange and, at the same time, comforting.

On one of my more recent visits, I noticed the empty diffusers sitting on windowsills and shelves and was struck, straight away, by the visual metaphor – the way they seemed to signify the absence of mum in our lives.

Empty diffusers in my late mother's house

Each one once contained something which, over time, has passed from the bottle into the air. Now they are empty. Nothing passes to nothing.

Standing in the house, I am of course aware of all that has gone before. Memories of times that were good and those that were sometimes hard. That is all that’s left there now. Like the bottles, the house is empty.

So, along with my mum’s possessions, I’ve brought home the empty diffusers so I can explore them as objects – as visual metaphors – for the loss I am feeling.

Filed Under: Family, Grief, Mum

© Nicholas Hedges 2024

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